Imaginary Hype: Beware the Fake Trailer

When Bethesda revealed Fallout 4 at e3 this year they did something shockingly refreshing. They debuted a largely finished game, only a few months away from release, with a fully in-engine trailer. It worked wonders on me, being the decisive step in convincing me to finally upgrade to a newer console.

It’s a shame that this sort of approach is a rarity. Instead we live in the age of empty hype and announcement trailers.

The same e3 brought us SquareEnix’s announcement of the Final Fantasy VII remake, and fans promptly lost their shit imagining how wonderful such a game was going to be. Imagining is the key word here, as frankly we have nothing to go on apart from a cinematic CG tease. No gameplay. No in-game graphics. It’s an empty promise, and handing this sort of blank cheque to players to pre-imagine their dream games in their heads is dangerous for everyone, especially the developers, when the time comes to actually deliver something.


I’ve been accused on negativity over this announcement in the past, but I truly hope that it’s amazing when the time comes to play it. Until then, however, we need to temper our expectations over how the huge, profit oriented teams that spent 5 years crafting the exciting corridors of Final Fantasy XIII can fully comprehend and reproduce a past masterpiece that took a smaller artistically-minded team 2 years to make.

But when it comes to fake trailers and imaginary hype there’s a new heavy hitter on the scene.

Did you see that? We’ll be finding Pikachus scurrying around in our bushes, and summoning tangible Poké Ball’s out of thin air to throw at them and, and, and, no. No. No. No. None of this will happen. I truly wish we lived in the tangible augmented world of Dennou Coil but we don’t. Has anybody been looking at the one actual screenshot that exists and getting excited?


All of the hype has come from that fake trailer, meaning that once again we have another game that will probably be a whole lot of fun to play, but it won’t even come close to matching the imaginary game we all see after watching the trailer.


And now I’m just sad that we don’t yet live in the world of Dennou Coil… Boo.

Direct link to this post.

Ubisoft? More like Ubi-shutup!

I’ll let it be known now… I don’t care for Ubisoft.

I fucking despise them. This may shock any one of you to know that I, like many others, have a grievance with Ubisoft. Obviously it takes a conscious effort to somehow become worse than EA as publishers but over the past few years these jerkoffs have been putting in overtime to take the gold. I mean it’s one thing to release half arsed games with bugs that fall out of other bugs but it’s even worse when the bastards don’t want to take off their rose-tinted glasses and realise that their ‘adoring’ public are pretty salty about the matter and call for change. The least you could do Ubisoft is fix the shit you throw out.


Speaking of shit, let’s get round to the Ubisoft E3 round up.

Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon: Wildlands

I’ve never been into the ghost recon games but my impression is that they were well received. I am by no means a war game buff and that tends to stem from the fact that every game appears to be the same. Obviously you can’t change war but why do there need to be so many!? Seriously, that’s enough. Anyway, Wildlands looks like it might be moving a slightly different direction in which you travel around a sandbox and shoot up drug cartels. Seems mindless but sounds fun at least. Would try.

Assassin’s Creed Syndicate


South Park: The Fractured but Whole

 I really enjoyed The Stick of Truth as it encompassed everything great about South Park. Written by the creators, Matt Stone and Trey Parker, the game featured hilarious tongue-in-cheek antics from a neighbourhood of young kids in a fantasy Game of Thrones type adventure, featuring the aliens, Al Gore and his Man-Bear-Pig, underpants gnomes and, obviously, Nazi zombies. This announced sequel will see the kids in an adventure once again, but this time featuring their personas as superheroes from the episode The Coon and Friends. Very excited about seeing what the South Park boys do with this one, despite it being a Ubisoft project. Will play.

Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six: Siege

I can’t say I’ve ever given a toss about tactical swat action outside of maybe XCOM. I feel this one will likely follow the same model as the other ones; appeasing the gun nuts. It’s not for me. Apparently everyone is wacking off due to Angela Bassett being cast as the team lead and the character model looking like who it’s supposed to be. I don’t know who Angela Bassett is. Won’t play.

The Division

Jesus Christ. Do you think there are enough Tom Clancy games this year!? Obviously don’t stagger them… Just make a bunch of them and fire them out in one heap, like Ubisoft a dog would with its business. I’ll take a deep breath and continue. This looks to be a survival themed shooter where you go around in a city and then you… I’m bored. Won’t play.

For Honor

This just looks like some sort of chaotic fighting game. The Mortal Kombat/Soul Calibur lover in me won’t let this be considered too terrible. We’ll see if Ubisoft make a complete pig’s ear of it or not. Would try

Well… 2/6 overall. Good work Frenchies! You managed to pique my interest with at least one game this year. That’s a gold star next to your name and you’ll be allowed dessert tonight.



Direct link to this post.

My top 3 from E3

Yep another one of those, “hey check out my top ‘n’ from E3”. Its hard to cover everything, but here are my top 3 games which came out of #E32015.

Fallout 4

My knowledge of Fallout is based around the 5 hours I played in Fallout 3 (it might have been more, I set off a nuke and my Dad got sad. Thats all I remember) and so I wasn’t expecting to feel much about the announcement, but I found myself strangely lured into the gameplay footage.

I set off a nuke and my Dad got sad – Fallout 3

After I was finished watching everything thats been spewed out of E3 I set about reading up on all the Fallout vaults and as much lore as possible, turns out it’s all pretty fucked up 10/10 on the hype factor.

Also your dog wont die! +10


Surprisingly one of the few remaining games that doesn’t require you to cower behind cover like some kind of real person’ in a real situation, instead you get out there and you get shot in the face, and a number decreases and your fine, everything is fine.

You get out there and you get shot in the face

I felt allot of joy watching this video, although most of it was nostalgia.

The enemies where simply there for cannon fodder none of that built in AI – i’m going to flank you rubbish, they shoot you, you shoot them the higher the level the more enemies, the bigger the gun. I got a glimpse of that, and it felt glorious.

Im looking forward to seeing what will get with the multiplayer also, but from what I saw of the single player its all good in the hood.


I never had much fondness for COD – but battlefield is my Jam.

Star Wars Battlefield has been teasing us for about 3 years, at one point it got canceled. But now its back and it looks every bit what I expect from a next gen game (are we on ‘next-next-gen’ ?).

Dice have allot to deliver on this one, but given what we have all seen its looking like it will shape up nicely.

Direct link to this post.

Final Fantasy VII Re-Make

Fresh off the E3 floor is the announcement that, my childhood time sink is back – Final Fantasy 7. Finally the cult of Square can stop killing the neighbourhood goats as their prays have been answered. Now all we need is Gabe to give us a new Half life and I can abandon my family and friends and go back to the sweet warmth of a glowing TV screen…

I look forward to force feeding Chocobo Carob Nuts, and throwing away any Chocobo children I deem unworthy of my gaze.

Direct link to this post.