Ubisoft? More like Ubi-shutup!

I’ll let it be known now… I don’t care for Ubisoft.

I fucking despise them. This may shock any one of you to know that I, like many others, have a grievance with Ubisoft. Obviously it takes a conscious effort to somehow become worse than EA as publishers but over the past few years these jerkoffs have been putting in overtime to take the gold. I mean it’s one thing to release half arsed games with bugs that fall out of other bugs but it’s even worse when the bastards don’t want to take off their rose-tinted glasses and realise that their ‘adoring’ public are pretty salty about the matter and call for change. The least you could do Ubisoft is fix the shit you throw out.

south_park___the_coon_and_friends_1_by_flip_reaper_z-d6l6eke

Speaking of shit, let’s get round to the Ubisoft E3 round up.

Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon: Wildlands

I’ve never been into the ghost recon games but my impression is that they were well received. I am by no means a war game buff and that tends to stem from the fact that every game appears to be the same. Obviously you can’t change war but why do there need to be so many!? Seriously, that’s enough. Anyway, Wildlands looks like it might be moving a slightly different direction in which you travel around a sandbox and shoot up drug cartels. Seems mindless but sounds fun at least. Would try.

Assassin’s Creed Syndicate

No.

South Park: The Fractured but Whole

 I really enjoyed The Stick of Truth as it encompassed everything great about South Park. Written by the creators, Matt Stone and Trey Parker, the game featured hilarious tongue-in-cheek antics from a neighbourhood of young kids in a fantasy Game of Thrones type adventure, featuring the aliens, Al Gore and his Man-Bear-Pig, underpants gnomes and, obviously, Nazi zombies. This announced sequel will see the kids in an adventure once again, but this time featuring their personas as superheroes from the episode The Coon and Friends. Very excited about seeing what the South Park boys do with this one, despite it being a Ubisoft project. Will play.

Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six: Siege

I can’t say I’ve ever given a toss about tactical swat action outside of maybe XCOM. I feel this one will likely follow the same model as the other ones; appeasing the gun nuts. It’s not for me. Apparently everyone is wacking off due to Angela Bassett being cast as the team lead and the character model looking like who it’s supposed to be. I don’t know who Angela Bassett is. Won’t play.

The Division

Jesus Christ. Do you think there are enough Tom Clancy games this year!? Obviously don’t stagger them… Just make a bunch of them and fire them out in one heap, like Ubisoft a dog would with its business. I’ll take a deep breath and continue. This looks to be a survival themed shooter where you go around in a city and then you… I’m bored. Won’t play.

For Honor

This just looks like some sort of chaotic fighting game. The Mortal Kombat/Soul Calibur lover in me won’t let this be considered too terrible. We’ll see if Ubisoft make a complete pig’s ear of it or not. Would try

Well… 2/6 overall. Good work Frenchies! You managed to pique my interest with at least one game this year. That’s a gold star next to your name and you’ll be allowed dessert tonight.

 

.Thunder


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